Recently I received an email from an AA friend of mine. In it she said she really admired me for all that I was doing. Funny thing is I really admire her. She’s a full time mom to a large family and runs a busy household. I feel like all I do is go to therapy, meetings, and Dr’s appointments – keeps me busy yes, and I guess it’s making progress, but do I see it as productive? Not so much.
And that got me thinking about what I value and how other’s see me. And I want to flat out declare that my life is not a tragedy. Challenging yes. Tragedy no. I have several well meaning friends, who act like I’m an egg about to crack at any second. If you’ve been a psych patient you’ll probably no what I mean, the extra soft voice – meant to be soothing and overly solicitous concern for how I’m doing. If you’re from AA, the promises that I can call anytime, even if I’ve been drinking. Thank you for your concern but I’m ok.
I’m finishing up 6 weeks of intensive outpatient therapy that has helped a lot. I’m involved in AA and Double Recovery. But my life is more than recovery. It’s knitting – I’m making my first sweater. It’s playing my harp – I’m playing my first concert June 7. It’s starting to excercise (Aquafit is hard). It’s reading – I’ve joined a book club to meet people. It’s meditating – I’ve joined a meditation group.
Ok so I live in transitional housing, and my income isn’t very high because the gov’t limits what I can take out of my retirement savings, but that’s probably a good thing – it’s enough to live on. My head’s a little screwy due to some meds adjustments, but I’ll get through them eventually.
My friends who are supportive are engaged in my life. We talk about weather, knitting, politics, the latest gossip, my ongoing angst about working / not working. We don’t talk about my illness except in passing.
If I want to talk about recovery, I’ll call someone in AA, and talk about solutions or maybe just bitch for a while.
What I have is a life, a slightly crazy, messed up, transitional for the moment life, where I’m feeling my way along a road I haven’t traveled before. But honestly I’m having fun – when I’m not obsessing.
Oh yeah, I’m trying to get a book deal too.