Happiness is a habit I will develop.
Happiness is created not waited for
I struggled with this statement for a long time. Happiness seemed out of reach. I remembered being happy as a kid and in my early 20’s before the drinking and depression set in. But with those twin demons came overwhelming sadness. I forgot about happy, and if someone had asked, “What makes you happy?” I would have answered nothing or I don’t know.
Someone on a forum I belong to observed that in my writing it seemed that I was afraid of happiness, always waiting for the other shoe to drop, and for a time that was absolutely true.
But as I’ve got my addiction under control, and my mental health issues stabilized with meds, and back into my apartment, I’m beginning to feel safe enough to feel happy.
Mindfullness meditation and Compassion Focused Therapy have helped me a lot with this too, as both ask me to stay in the present and focus on the little things.
So I’m no longer looking for the Big Happy, or some life changing event, that will suddenly make me happy. Instead I find my happiness in little pleasures: listening to my favourite musicians, playing my harp, knitting, cuddling with my harp teachers dogs, sitting out on a patio in the sun drinking an iced coffee, just enjoying the moment.
So yes, I’m learning to be happy. And I’m creating my own happiness. And it seems to have an exponential effect. The more things I do that make me happy, the more things I discover that make me happy and sometimes I even feel joy. I frequently find myself, waiting at bus stops, singing quietly under my breath – happy songs that make me feel good.
So given the choice of making myself miserable, versus making myself happy, I’ll choose happy any day of the week.
I hope you will too.