I’m back – still fighting

I can’t believe it was Feb. when I last posted.

I don’t know where my mind has been.

I’ve been struggling frankly – wanting to drink, suicidal ideation, thoughts of self harm which hasn’t been an issue in over 5 years.  But I guess I’m stubborn, because I just keep chugging on.

The job search has been depressing and largely an exercise in frustration.   I’m now applying to Tim Horton’s but I can’t even get an interview with them.    Did get an interview for one job, and came in second which isn’t much consolation.

But I recognize that I have a choice – I can give up or I can keep trying.    I’m going with the latter, as I’m not yet completely out of options.     And I refuse to let the universe win.

I’m profoundly grateful for the support I get from my friends, both IRL and on-line.    Without them, I would have given up ages ago.

I just need to rediscover my reason to live.

I’m going to try to get back to writing more frequently, and will return to the WFS series.

Elizabeth

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2 Responses to I’m back – still fighting

  1. Beth says:

    Glad to see you are still fighting! We all are! As one of my many sponsors used to say when people would say “It gets better” — It gets … different! And she seemed to me a mostly very happy person. :)

  2. Amber says:

    Try getting out of yourself. Wash a neighbors car, clean a bathroom at a church, feed some pidgeons, visit a nursing home and eat with someone who has no family, go out in search everyday for people to help. I was taught to do 3 different thongs for 3 different people everyday without every telling anyone. It helps me see.how selfish i really am. And the big book says ee must rid outselves of this selfishness or we.die! I have talked several prople with long term quality sobriety, not long term dry time. Each and everyone said thats what gives life meaning. Doing something for someone else without.gettong laid, paid or patted on the back. Thats what life is about!

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